i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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