HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
