Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
there is glitter all over my balls
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