I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
