so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
