Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
