Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
