fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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