"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
from now on my penis is your penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
