i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
