Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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