and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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