Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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