I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had to cum in my sink.
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