not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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