My first STD was from a foam party
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
