The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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