Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
