You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ambien. No doubt about it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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