im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she looked like the before picture.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
