I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
