Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i think my cat just said my name.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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