i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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