As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
