just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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