it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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