did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
