I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
