Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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