Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
