dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
