i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
pray to the hookup gods
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
