I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
