so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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