it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize