Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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