literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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