the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
