We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
