Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you would pick up someone in the library
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
