yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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