Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
