Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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