The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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