my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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