sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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