Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
