no, he came in my armpit
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
