I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
