Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
