So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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