Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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