Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
