And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize