yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
even my farts smell like vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
