Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
