i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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