spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So squirting runs in the family.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
