Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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