My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
