Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize