We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
