I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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