Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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