Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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