I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize