dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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