when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
