Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
