she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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