party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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