well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
