Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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