im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
