you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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