so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
