So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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