I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He? As in you personified your dick?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Success! We fucked roommates!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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