I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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