that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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