I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
