Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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