I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
