Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
