sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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