Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
