Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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