I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
