They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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