The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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