Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
