yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
pop tarts are not kleenex
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
