You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize