I'm jealous of your bromance
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
