I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
