Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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