Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your cock deserves a montage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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