We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
