I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
