Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
