Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
