In the future we'll all be gay
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
