my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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