my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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